A Message to Women From a Man: You Are Not "Crazy"

*See personal commentary following the below article.*

A Message to Women From a Man: You Are Not "Crazy"

by
Yashar Ali

You're so sensitive. You're so emotional. You're defensive. You're overreacting. Calm down. Relax. Stop freaking out! You're crazy! I was just joking, don't you have a sense of humor? You're so dramatic. Just get over it already!
Sound familiar?
If you're a woman, it probably does.
Do you ever hear any of these comments from your spouse, partner, boss, friends, colleagues, or relatives after you have expressed frustration, sadness, or anger about something they have done or said?
When someone says these things to you, it's not an example of inconsiderate behavior. When your spouse shows up half an hour late to dinner without calling -- that's inconsiderate behavior. A remark intended to shut you down like, "Calm down, you're overreacting," after you just addressed someone else's bad behavior, is emotional manipulation, pure and simple.
Those who engage in gaslighting create a reaction -- whether it's anger, frustration, sadness -- in the person they are dealing with. Then, when that person reacts, the gaslighter makes them feel uncomfortable and insecure by behaving as if their feelings aren't rational or normal.
My friend Anna (all names changed to protect privacy) is married to a man who feels it necessary to make random and unprompted comments about her weight. Whenever she gets upset or frustrated with his insensitive comments, he responds in the same, defeating way, "You're so sensitive. I'm just joking."
But gaslighting can be as simple as someone smiling and saying something like, "You're so sensitive," to somebody else. Such a comment may seem innocuous enough, but in that moment, the speaker is making a judgment about how someone else should feel.
Because women bare the brunt of our neurosis. It is much easier for us to place our emotional burdens on the shoulders of our wives, our female friends, our girlfriends, our female employees, our female colleagues, than for us to impose them on the shoulders of men.
It's a whole lot easier to emotionally manipulate someone who has been conditioned by our society to accept it. We continue to burden women because they don't refuse our burdens as easily. It's the ultimate cowardice.
No wonder some women are unconsciously passive aggressive when expressing anger, sadness, or frustration. For years, they have been subjected to so much gaslighting that they can no longer express themselves in a way that feels authentic to them.
They say, "I'm sorry," before giving their opinion. In an email or text message, they place a smiley face next to a serious question or concern, thereby reducing the impact of having to express their true feelings.
You know how it looks: "You're late :)"

But isn't the issue of gaslighting ultimately about whether we are conditioned to believe that women's opinions don't hold as much weight as ours? That what women have to say, what they feel, isn't quite as legitimate?

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I am sure that the above article hits home for alot of women, myself included which is why I decided to share it. I agree completely & feel that as women we should learn to trust ourselves aka intuition more. We should get to a point where we actually embrace who we are and what we represent as a gender. So many of us need to stop lying to ourselves about our own situation but suddenly developing clear vision towards another woman's situation. We must be mature enough to see not only another person's situation but our own situation clearly. There's no need to talk about the next woman being silly and "gaga" over a man that doesn't appreciate or respect her when if some of us are actually honest with ourselves, we're in the same scene. It may not be the same cast but definitely the same scene. OK now that I've expressed that I'll go on to say that we should never allow a man or individual to manipulate, ignore and demean our feelings in the name of sparing their feelings and ego. You teach a person how to treat you. I'm sure most of us KNOW this but how many can say that we actually live it? How many of us can actually say we stick to our guns not only through our WORDS and RANTS but MOST importantly ACTIONS...when we think noone is watching? Lets actually respect ourselves by being consistent and honest about connecting with individuals that we respect and they actually respect us back. Now, I do not live by the creed of intentionally hurting another person's feelings without due cause. At one point I tried to live by this creed so much that I didn't draw the line and had difficulty distinguishing if I had a right to feel a certain way about different things or if I simply was overreacting. I didn't trust myself so it caused me to be taken advantage of in past relationships and friendships. This is what I allowed so the only person to blame was myself.  I am  now at a point where I could care less if a person doesn't like my need and privilege..(yep I said it) to verbally and physically defend my feelings while expressing my needs and opinions. I've learned that I was able to receive this from others quite well but for a long time I didn't feel as if I was worthy enough to acknowledge my own which caused so much built up resentment and we all know that's unhealthy. So in conclusion I'd like to tell every women & young lady that reads this, DEMAND YOUR RESPECT DOLL!! Life is too short & valuable to be someones doormat. Life is too short to be unhappy because you don't want to be "alone". Lonely is a state of mind. Do you know how many people in the world that are actually married yet lonely? The answer is not a relationship with a mindset like that. The answer is developing a high self esteem. Let's get it together. As a former "doormat" I am here to tell you that some relationships whether platonic or romantic will be destroyed when you pursue this journey but PLEASE know that while initially it'll hurt like hell, you will start to experience a joy so overwhelming that you will wonder why you were so blind in the first place to the antics and what actually attracted you to those type of people in the first place. You'll then pat yourself on the back for actually seeing the journey through. Take note that people who rarely see things through, are almost always unhappy.  There is nothing more liberating than actually being "over it" with no regrets because regrets only come when there is ingenuity and tainted morals in the equation. You my dear will by no means have any qualms in that area. They on the other hand...most definitely will. Manipulators and Liars will almost always have a shaken conscious whether it's today or years from today because no matter how many deceitful words are spoken, time will ALWAYS tell the truth & we all know that the truth can hurt. Thanks for reading!

Happy Learning,

Nata Bee