The following question/statement was written by an African American male who genuinely holds this belief. Check it out:
Do you think the real reason why a woman stays with a physically/emotionally/verbally abusive man is out of guilt? Personally I don't think there is such a thing as verbal abuse.
I mean, we all know that the more a man brings to the table, the more the woman will put up with. That being said, women that stay with a man even though he doesn't act right really don't do it out of love. They stay because deep down they feel guilty that they're really just using him for what he offers, and by flexing his muscle (so to speak) he's calling her "bluff". By staying, she affirms that indeed she isn't with him for him. To take it a step further, if this is true, and women will take whatever a man dishes out as long as he "dishes out", then doesn't that ultimately prove once and for all that women do indeed put a price on themselves and choose worldly things above all? She saw signs early but ignored them because he had what she wanted (whatever that was) so basically sold her soul to acquire it, thereby reaping what she sows.
I mean, we all know that the more a man brings to the table, the more the woman will put up with. That being said, women that stay with a man even though he doesn't act right really don't do it out of love. They stay because deep down they feel guilty that they're really just using him for what he offers, and by flexing his muscle (so to speak) he's calling her "bluff". By staying, she affirms that indeed she isn't with him for him. To take it a step further, if this is true, and women will take whatever a man dishes out as long as he "dishes out", then doesn't that ultimately prove once and for all that women do indeed put a price on themselves and choose worldly things above all? She saw signs early but ignored them because he had what she wanted (whatever that was) so basically sold her soul to acquire it, thereby reaping what she sows.
The above statement is completely biased and obviously comes from a place of distorted perceptions and experiences. It is antagonistic and angry without any redeeming logic. Sadly, I believe that many whether secretly or openly tend to hold some of the unhealthy concepts listed to be somewhat true. It is my opinion that the residual mental chains of oppression has laid the foundation of this view towards women, particularly black women. We are automatically deemed as sexually deviant, lewd and striving to drain a man of his "wealth". Many are brainwashed into believing this twisted logic about black women.
The belief that black women are sexually lewd & deceitful predates the institution of slavery in America. European travelers to Africa found semi nude natives. This semi nudity was misinterpreted as lewdness. White Europeans then locked into the belief that they were the "superior culture" of the 17th century. They viewed African polygamy and tribal dances as proof of the African's uncontrolled sexual lust. Europeans were fascinated by African sexuality. William Bosman described the Black women on the coast of Guinea as "fiery" and "warm" and "so much hotter than the men." William Smith described African women as "hot constitution'd Ladies" who "are continually contriving stratagems aka "tricks" or schemes on how to gain a lover.
Now that you've received a quick history lesson on origins of the twisted logic accepted by some, I will wrap this up by saying, As a person who has been on the receiving end of both physical and verbal abuse, I have learned that NOTHING warrants another person being the recipient of abuse. It is much more complex than what his limited way of thinking can express. It is true that some men/women may experience a form of guilt into staying with their abuser but this is not always the case & it is definitely not a case of "reaping what you sow" for being a "gold digger". Only a manipulator would actually try to push this logic off as truth. Abusers are often very insecure & need a false sense of security by displaying their LACK of power on someone or something that they feel they can control.
The purpose of this entry is to express and expose the obvious deceitful and lack of responsibility that many abusers take for their actions. It just may help someone who is in the midst of the madness. Adults are responsible for their own actions and temperament. It is never the victim's responsibility to "tiptoe" around their ego. Listen, there is nothing that you can do to appease an insecure and abusive individual. Insecurity only sees what it WANTS to see and nothing convinces it otherwise. Never let anyone tell you that "it's YOUR fault" for THEIR actions. If they can control themselves for the sake of being "good" in the "public eye" then they can control themselves in all aspects. Anytime you meet a person who refuses to take responsibility for their own actions, please run the other way. If it's always "someone else's fault", please leave that person alone. If they've exhibited this behavior and expressed this outlook to you regarding others in their life, please believe that you are next in line for that particular "role" in their play. I'd also like to talk about verbal abuse. An individual that is verbally/emotionally manipulative towards people that they interact with whether it is platonic or romantic, simply are not people that you should waste your time trying to "rehabilitate". It is simply an opinion of mine that the after effects of verbal/emotional abuse are far more worse than physical abuse. While both are equally devastating, an individual that survives physical abuse eventually heals on the outside but the bruises of verbal abuse stick around for years and the poison has the potential to seep out infecting others that the victim socializes with. It is very important that we are made aware and eventually experience genuine healing. Thanks for reading.
Happy Learning,
Nata Bee
The belief that black women are sexually lewd & deceitful predates the institution of slavery in America. European travelers to Africa found semi nude natives. This semi nudity was misinterpreted as lewdness. White Europeans then locked into the belief that they were the "superior culture" of the 17th century. They viewed African polygamy and tribal dances as proof of the African's uncontrolled sexual lust. Europeans were fascinated by African sexuality. William Bosman described the Black women on the coast of Guinea as "fiery" and "warm" and "so much hotter than the men." William Smith described African women as "hot constitution'd Ladies" who "are continually contriving stratagems aka "tricks" or schemes on how to gain a lover.
Now that you've received a quick history lesson on origins of the twisted logic accepted by some, I will wrap this up by saying, As a person who has been on the receiving end of both physical and verbal abuse, I have learned that NOTHING warrants another person being the recipient of abuse. It is much more complex than what his limited way of thinking can express. It is true that some men/women may experience a form of guilt into staying with their abuser but this is not always the case & it is definitely not a case of "reaping what you sow" for being a "gold digger". Only a manipulator would actually try to push this logic off as truth. Abusers are often very insecure & need a false sense of security by displaying their LACK of power on someone or something that they feel they can control.
The purpose of this entry is to express and expose the obvious deceitful and lack of responsibility that many abusers take for their actions. It just may help someone who is in the midst of the madness. Adults are responsible for their own actions and temperament. It is never the victim's responsibility to "tiptoe" around their ego. Listen, there is nothing that you can do to appease an insecure and abusive individual. Insecurity only sees what it WANTS to see and nothing convinces it otherwise. Never let anyone tell you that "it's YOUR fault" for THEIR actions. If they can control themselves for the sake of being "good" in the "public eye" then they can control themselves in all aspects. Anytime you meet a person who refuses to take responsibility for their own actions, please run the other way. If it's always "someone else's fault", please leave that person alone. If they've exhibited this behavior and expressed this outlook to you regarding others in their life, please believe that you are next in line for that particular "role" in their play. I'd also like to talk about verbal abuse. An individual that is verbally/emotionally manipulative towards people that they interact with whether it is platonic or romantic, simply are not people that you should waste your time trying to "rehabilitate". It is simply an opinion of mine that the after effects of verbal/emotional abuse are far more worse than physical abuse. While both are equally devastating, an individual that survives physical abuse eventually heals on the outside but the bruises of verbal abuse stick around for years and the poison has the potential to seep out infecting others that the victim socializes with. It is very important that we are made aware and eventually experience genuine healing. Thanks for reading.
Happy Learning,
Nata Bee
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